Thursday, June 4, 2015
As much as hollyweird would like to have us think, a momentus landmark or turning point in our lives isn't always accompanied by a theme song or cheering fans. Sometimes we have to just take a moment on our own to acknowledge and reward our own accomplishments.
I -for example- realized recently that despite being far from my goals, have come leaps and bounds from where I was only a year ago. It came to me in a moment where I was actually falling in to a habit of some negative self-talk. I was pissed at myself for not exercising and accomplishing enough and then it struck me that I was doing it again....
Awareness is a slow-building thing, and I'm grateful for every time I have a moment of self-awareness that brings me closer to balance...
Anyway, suddenly it occurred to me that for as many times as I have had the same kind of nagging, beating-myself-up kind of internal conversation, i have made almost as many small steps toward making positive change in the last year. Writing this blog is one tangible example of a step... Despite the lag between posts. (Hey, i moved! I don't even have internet at home yet!)
I may not be very close to my goal of being able to dance (or even move) like I used to, but in that moment of awareness I got up from my yoga ball seat (which I always knew was better for me, but never really used in the past) and did a little happy dance for myself. I did it because I was relating to myself the way that I knew a close friend of mine would. Someone who has known me through a lot of struggle and would do that same little happy dance for me if they were there. :)
A little perspective:
Roughly a year ago I made an attempt to start a business during a very stressful time of my life. My health was in the pits and my mental health was somewhere below that. I was 2 years deep in to searching for a place to call home, nursing a broken heart, watching friendships fall apart and all the while dealing with increasing chronic pain and all of the symptoms that came along with it (depression, anxiety, insomnia, etc. etc.) ....Needless to say, this was not an ideal time to start a new business, but my other work options had become non-options because of my increasing pain and I saw no other way.
It took a complete rock-bottom mental/emotion breakdown and total business FAIL to have a breakthrough, but I finally realized that I was expecting too much of myself and needed a break. I let everything go and chose to swallow my pride and move home with my mom for a year to try and get myself back in to balance.... That is a much bigger break than some people may need or even have the privilege to take, but it taught me two very important lessons:
1. As I mentioned in my first post: it is VITAL to take breaks!
2. Take note of how far you've come and celebrate that sh*t!
I am writing this lying down. I do that a lot more these days. My brain likes to tell me that I should keep going because there are dishes in the sink and dinner to be made and blah and blah... But I've been learning to quiet that voice and take PREEMPTIVE rest breaks, BEFORE I get too sore to even move anymore and I'm just miserable.
So yay for me for learning (poco a poco) how to take better care of myself. :)